[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 25 August 2021].
hotel ^^^^
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 24 August 2021].
swan song
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 23 August 2021].
I'm a day late with my Sepulchral Sunday offering for last week. But I was out most of yesterday catching up with Phil to visit The Wallace Collection.
It was an inspiring day that included seeing Les hasards heureux de l'escarpolette (The Swing) by Jean-Honoré Fragonard up close.
Other highlights included:
two views of Venice by Canaletto I was familiar with from a book I read about the city many years ago, and
a selection of Animalia and hunting-trophy paintings by Jan Weenix.
I was pleased my second attempt to visit a gallery almost a month after my previous disastrous attempt was successful!
Sorry things were a little quiet around here last week. I finally managed to finish cleaning my flat post-Covid and then ended up laid low for about a day and a half after getting my second dose of the vaccine.
The pain from the vaccine was less this time. But I had a few dizzy and nauseous moments and spent most of Tuesday evening and Wednesday feeling like I was about to come down with something. My face felt warm and like I was on the verge of a headache or fever - neither of which came, thankfully - so I took the time to rest until the side effects passed.
Around that, I did some research for a client and continued my hunt for a new flatmate.
Hopefully, all the health issues are now behind me. So I can get back to the things I need to do, including regularly sharing work with you here!
connecting the dots
A bank holiday weekend probably isn’t the best time to be pimping my professional profile. But I haven’t known what is “the weekend” and what is a “workday” for over a year now. All days are equal to me, and to be honest, I only remembered it was a bank holiday weekend this morning.
Anyway, I’ve spent the past couple of days updating and adding more projects to my profile on The Dots. Though I still have more projects to add, I thought I’d share the link and a screen capture of my public profile. In case you or anyone you know may be looking for a freelancer or employee with my skills and experience.
Unfortunately, you can only view the content of my projects when logged into The Dots, but it’s quick (and free!) to sign up to have a nose around.
If you’re already a member, feel free to connect!
I’m also working on profiles on other sites and a portfolio website showcasing my design, social media, book design, editorial photography, writing work, etc. I’ll share those links as soon as I can.
So, if you or someone you know is looking for someone like me to work with or to be part of your team, hit me up at propaganda@bronwenhyde.com or get in contact through The Dots or LinkedIn.
I’m happy to have clients globally, so don’t be shy if you’re not in the UK!
thinking of a dream i had
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 20 August 2021].
until the day break and the shadows flee away
untitled #79
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 14 August 2021].
respect your elders
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 12 August 2021].
from the stable yard
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 11 August 2021].
I ticked quite a few things off my to-do list today but not the major ones I need to. Like cleaning the kitchen and finding new clients, both of which I need to have done "yesterday".
While it was mostly a good day because I closed off some items and stopped to pet Susie on my way back from the high street. Tonight I'm feeling flat.
Finding a flatmate is proving to be as time-consuming and demoralising as trying to find a new flat usually is. I really don't have time for it right now, but I need a new flatmate as soon as humanly possible.
I had lots of energy and focus today for bringing in business and getting more of my work out into the world. But, instead, it had to be channelled into more immediate domestic tasks.
When I could finally sit down to decide what to share today, I perused many possible places from my travels near and far. But it was one of those days when nothing felt right, nothing fit my mood.
Eventually, I settled on this image, which I actually edited back in September 2019 but for some reason hadn't previously shared online.
I took this photo of the entrance to Hatfield House from the stable yard back in July 2019. It reminds me of so many Merchant-Ivory period films.
The image feels like standing on the outside looking in, which feels appropriate to my mood tonight. But also holds the promise of possibility, which will hopefully be my mood on waking tomorrow.
communing with nature
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 8 August 2021].
A new image from my stained glass series for you this Sunday night.
Wednesday to Friday of this week was full of cleaning and life admin. On Thursday and Friday, I wanted to share work here but was too exhausted to manage it.
On the plus side: all of my flat except the kitchen and my bedroom is now clean and tidy. I'm hoping to get both of those rooms sorted early this week around everything else I need to catch up on now that I feel mostly back to normal.
Yesterday, some lovely friends visited my neck of the woods, and I was spoiled with a large, tasty lunch and lively conversation. It was good to see friends in person for the first time in almost a month.
Eating out and being maskless in a busy restaurant felt a bit daunting. But we managed to get a table on the edge of the outdoor area, which made it feel slightly less so.
The in-person conversation was complimented by another long and winding phone conversation with a friend into the wee hours afterwards.
Today was relatively short but productive. I feel like my body and mind are in recovery mode after a physically and emotionally exhausting week. So I'll be having an early night - by my standards - to try to help me face all the things I need to get through this coming week.
what’s in store for you?
I've spent most of today working on setting up the print store. And I'm reminded, once again, of why I haven't done it sooner...
The limitations of shipping price settings where you have framed prints versus unframed prints is just one.
I'm still working on it, but for now, I thought I'd take a break to remind you that you don't have to wait for my online store to go live if you'd like to buy a print!*
I have a selection of self-portraiture and alternate worlds photographs to hand. Some framed as at exhibition, some unframed.
And my work isn't just self-portraiture and graveyards, as you may have noticed. There are plenty of landscapes and images of the minutiae of everyday life to choose from.
Most of my work is available to purchase as prints. If you've seen an image on my blog or social media you can't spy on my website, do feel free to ask.
Found something you fancy? Email me at propaganda@bronwenhyde.com
I can let you know availability, edition details, sizes and prices, plus shipping costs to wherever you are in the world. Open editions start from just £50 plus shipping.
Of course, if you're a patron at 'the perfect 10' tier or above, your 10% print discount applies as long as you remain a patron.
*Now would be a super time for you to buy a print. No one wants me to have to set up an Only Fans account!
too much stress!
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 August 2021].
Much delayed, I've made my book, darkness & light - a collection of 109 of my 366 days self-portraits - available again on Blurb.
A friend of mine who missed buying it when it was first available asked me about it. I don't even know how long ago now. On the back of that, I've finally made it available for a while again.
How long it will be available is yet to be seen. But if you didn't snap up a copy (or didn't know about it) back in 2008, now is your chance to be one of a limited number of folk to have your sweaty palms on a copy.
Because it's print on demand, signed copies are complicated but not impossible, if you want that. Email me at propaganda@bronwenhyde.com if this takes your fancy, and we can work out the logistics.
This is an outtake from the project I edited tonight, almost 14 years later.
The final image for the project for this day was a diptych entitled peeping tom, inspired by the 1960 Michael Powell film of the same name. It was a brilliantly creepy film, so well made, and tapped into my love of photography and psychological thrillers/horrors.
burleigh heads
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 3 August 2021].
Today was a stressful one, and there was a "doze, not quite a nap" this afternoon when I pushed through for too long without eating.
But I got important life admin sorted, and I booked an appointment for my second dose of the vaccine, so there's that.
Today I felt the urge to share a little photo essay of photographs I took at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast in Queensland back in 2009.
At the time, I was visiting for my birthday. But later in the year, for various reasons, I moved to live with my parents in Redland Bay at the other end of the Pacific Highway.
In 2002, when I'd returned from the UK, I'd lived with them in the Gold Coast hinterland. In Bonogin. My then-partner and I would drive to Burleigh Heads most days to walk along this stretch of the Gold Coast.
It was a beautiful spot to be and provided a stark contrast to the Gold Coast tourist drag of Surfers Paradise. I was more familiar with that part of the Gold Coast from my primary school years when I lived in Brisbane.
I feel a postcard from another's life related to my relationship with the Gold Coast coming in time. It was an annual pilgrimage for our family in my early years, punctuated by fluorescent beachwear and putt-putt golf.
Later, while at college, it was a place of cultural cringe for me.
In 2002 and 2009, I could see the beauty again in areas outside of the tourist traps. I hope this is what I shared with a partner in 2019, though I still hold a love for the kitsch 1980s Surfers Paradise in my heart to this day.
It's complicated.
Isn't it always?
grave dancers union
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 1 August 2021].
In 2000 and 2001, my then partner, David, and I visited Edinburgh in "festival season".
We timed our visits to coincide with the Edinburgh Book Festival, the Edinburgh International Film Festival, T at the Fringe, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and the Edinburgh Military Tattoo.
Unfortunately, our timing meant we always missed the Edinburgh Jazz Festival. And we never actually made it to any events held as part of the Military Tattoo. We didn't even manage to visit Edinburgh Castle when it was open.
But we had some truly inspiring experiences.
For example, seeing Margaret Atwood and Naomi Klein discussing their recent publications. The latter shortly after the time of the release of No Logo. Getting to ask Irvine Welsh about choosing which short stories to include in the film version of The Acid House.
Seeing Pulp, Arab Strap and Dirty Three at various venues as part of T at the Fringe. Supergrass was a bit of a non-plus, though.
Arab Strap and The Dirty Three were a surprise gift from me to David. I didn't really know them but knew he liked them, so I booked us tickets to their gigs at The Liquid Room. Little did I know I would absolutely love both and that we would have a chance to natter with The Dirty Three's bassist (and painter), Mick Turner, over a few drinks after the Dirty Three gig. A definite highlight.
We also managed to see some excellent theatre, including a feminist take on Jean-Paul Sartre's No Exit.
Each year we went there, we made sure to have at least one day and one night without any bookings so we could get out of town for a drive. The first year we drove along the north side of Loch Ness and around the base of Ben Nevis. The second year, we stayed a night on the Isle of Skye.
Each year we spent the money we saved on accommodation by camping south of Edinburgh on hiring a car to drive there. Staying away for a night wasn't a costly experience, and a hire car gave us plenty of flexibility.
In 2001 I ventured into the churchyard of the Parish of St Cuthbert. It was, and still is, an inspiring churchyard.
I have photos from visits in 2001 and 2011. The first photos were taken with black and white film, and the second visit 10 years later was captured in colour with my Nikon D700.
I've held off sharing my photos of the churchyard from 2011 simply because I would like to share them as a collection with my black and white film photographs. I know I captured many of the same graves on both occasions. And I also photographed a homeless man in one of the derelict mausoleums on my first visit. To share those photos, I need access to a film scanner or to purchase one, and I'm working on that.
But today, I'm sharing this distinctive headstone. I don't recall photographing it on film.
Their torches turned toward the ground represent the extinguishing of life. But beyond that, I know little about the grave or the meaning of these long-haired figures in loincloths.
just good fronds
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 31 July 2021].
A little flashback to May 2010, playing with Mel Brackstone's Lensbaby on my Nikon D50.
Mel's mum's house had just been sold. So we spent the afternoon mooching about in the empty property where I also took this self-portrait.
in the mush pit
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 30 July 2021].
Today was a mostly good day.
I had wondered the other night and had it confirmed this morning that I hadn't actually cracked the screen on my phone! The cracks and damage were actually the Belkin Invisiglass screen protector taking the bulk of the impact of my phone being dropped on bathroom tile.
The replacement of the screen protector cost more than my phone screen on its own would have cost (as my AppleCare+ is still current): £29.99 vs £25. But the complete lack of damage to my phone screen meant replacement only cost me £29.99 instead of £54.99.
And it wasn't a wasted journey as the replacement protector can only be applied in-store. They're vigilant in avoiding dust between the screen and protector, so it took two goes for them to get it perfect, but I'm thankful for their perfectionism.
I highly endorse these screen protectors. It took two years to crack, and in that time, it's taken quite a few hard knocks without damage. And in all that time, my screen has remained in pristine condition.
I then did a few small shopping tasks on the high street. That emboldened me to do a grocery shop. I managed it all okay, but stopped short of walking home with my groceries and paid for a minicab.
Despite how well the day had gone, I still found myself having a "nanna" nap this afternoon/evening. My body's way of reminding me that I'm still in recovery.
I don't know how long this will last, but the neighbour who took me to the Apple store today warned me that a friend of hers is still napping every day, about 15 months or more after having Covid.
After today, I'm hoping to get at least some of the flat cleaned this weekend, but I acknowledge it may take longer than expected.
I'm also hopeful of getting more photo editing done this weekend. But I think the remainder of tonight will be spent resting.
untitled #5
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 29 July 2021].
boys in bubbles in brussels
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 28 July 2021].
Everything's all been a bit serious for the past two weeks, so I needed something a little irreverent to share today.
So what better than the kitsch goodness of Mannequin Pis snow domes in a souvenir shop window in Brussels?
Serving double-duty as a virtual window to a world outside my flat to which I'm somewhat bound at the moment.
Things are going better. I managed to keep myself vertical long enough today to get my dishes done. Over the past few days, I've washed all clothing and linen that I wore or had contact with while I was sick. I've also managed to complete some of the life admin required around a flatmate moving out.
My body now firmly disputes my long-held belief that one meal a day as late in the day as possible is sufficient. It likes to convey its newfound belief - and the conviction I've been vertical too long at a stretch - with non-verbal cues like "Can I lie down now, please?"
I'm still napping at least once a day, despite sleeping relatively well through the night. The coughing has mostly subsided.
I'm contemplating a stroll to Boots tomorrow to get saline for my contact lenses as a test of my returning endurance.
On Friday, one of my lovely neighbours will take me to an Apple store to get my iPhone screen replaced. I'm impressed it took me until my third iPhone, and over eleven years, for me to damage a phone screen for the first time. I'm highly unimpressed I did something so incredibly stupid to cause additional unnecessary expense, especially at this time.
Hopefully, by the weekend, I'll feel up to cleaning the flat top-to-bottom, now that my flatmate has moved out. Even if it's one room at a time.
In the meantime, I'm also working on getting back to sharing photographs and other art with you daily. There's nothing more frustrating than having a finite amount of energy per day and life admin and chores needing to be prioritised over art.
untitled #19
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 25 July 2021].
Today was a learning experience: I am not superhuman.
Back out of self-isolation - finally - and feeling like a million bucks, I went ahead with plans made before catching Covid. I ventured into central London to meet Phil to see the Sophie Taeuber-Arp exhibition at Tate Modern.
It was meant to be my first visit to the gallery since 8 March 2020, just before the pandemic started.
Instead, it was a fool's errand.
Double-masking for the Tube journey, by the time I reached Holborn, I knew something was wrong. I started to feel faint after the short walk to the station and about 15 minutes of standing on the train. The cooler air as I came up to the Central line refreshed me a bit. But I grabbed a seat for the two stops to St Paul's.
By the time I got out of St Paul's station, it was a quick call between the Co-op for food or sitting down to avoid falling down.
I went for the latter on a park by the back of St Paul's Cathedral, but then I was too far away from the Co-op to get food and drink to revive myself.
Full disclosure: yesterday was a mess of a day, and in the process, I neglected to eat. I'd had a handful of sour cream and chive pretzels while dressing this morning and thought I'd be okay until I could grab a sandwich at the gallery.
When I realised my predicament, I called Phil to let him know, and I ended up bailing up a passing couple who kindly took some cash from me to buy me a sandwich and a drink. They came back with both plus some fruit. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers!
The food helped but not enough. I realised I couldn't walk 20 minutes from St Paul's to the gallery, let alone 1.5 hours slow-walking around inside the gallery in a mask. As it was, even after finishing the cheddar ploughman sandwich and a third of the cherry 7Up Free, I was struggling not to feel lightheaded standing on the spot.
At that point, I admitted defeat and told Phil to go ahead with the exhibition on his own, and I'd figure out how to get home.
It took me an hour, all told, to get transport.
I managed to get to a nearby Starbucks to use their bathroom. I then tried to head home via the Tube, but as soon as I got down to the platform, it was clearly a massive "nope".
I quickly made my way back up to the street level to try to hail a cab. There were so few of them, and those that passed already had passengers or were on the wrong side of the multi-way intersection I was near.
I sat back on a bench about two over from the one I'd landed on when I came out of the station. I repeatedly swore as I waited for the Uber app to download, and I went through the process of setting up an account. Finally, I was able to book a car to collect me.
The seven minutes to arrival felt like the longest seven minutes ever. I had a feeling of pressure on the back of my ears and across the back of my head, indicating I was perilously close to fainting. I couldn't lie down on the bench because it had armrests between each seat.
The relief when my Uber arrived was unbelievable. I was finally able to lie down in the back of the car to recover. It took about 5-10 minutes until I could sit up and talk with the driver for the rest of the journey. He was a nice guy, and we had a good conversation while he drove me back to the safety of home.
I made it into the flat safely but was still very low on energy. So I crawled back into bed to try to recover.
After a 50-minute call from a friend in Melbourne and replying to some messages, I felt like I would at 3 AM, not 3 PM. My body threatened to fall asleep while I was typing into my phone.
While thunderstorms raged outside, I slept for most of 1.5 hours. Then close to another 2 hours before I finally felt able to resurface and get some chores done and edit the photo above from a visit to St Ethelreda's Church in Hatfield in 2019.
Based on today's experience, it will be a while before I venture far from home again. I might try to walk to the high street (about 500m from my place) tomorrow for some small things. But I'll be ordering groceries online this week and laying low while I recharge my batteries.
On a "related, but not" note: it is not ideal to have symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome for the first time when in the midst of, and recovering from, a highly infectious and deadly virus. But at least now I know what the strange tingling in my left arm is. And the panic surrounding that particular symptom has disappeared.
Also related: the virus has made me a cheap drunk, at least temporarily.
emergence
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 23 July 2021].
Hello, my lovelies!
I'm so sorry for the radio silence, but today has been my first good day since my update on Monday. Conversely, yesterday was probably tied for worst since I started experiencing Covid-19 symptoms on Wednesday, 14 July.
It's been a long week punctuated by the most intense headaches I've ever experienced. As well as dizzy spells, wobbliness, checking blood oxygen levels, fevers, odd aches and pains, fatigue, dehydration, head sweats and an almost complete loss of appetite.
I managed to go all the way until yesterday without crying. But the headache I'd had since at least 23:30 on Tuesday finally broke me, then it broke me further an hour or two later.
I spent most of yesterday afternoon wanting to gouge my left eye and about three inches behind it out with a grapefruit spoon. When I gave up on the lounge and watching even short YouTube videos and went back to bed, I remember wondering whether, if I called 111, they would send me out a drip.
I've always had empathy for those with conditions that cause chronic fatigue due to the fatigue and lethargy that often accompanies my depression. But it has increased tenfold after spending so much time this week exhausted by the most basic activities.
My sense of smell returned on Wednesday after being MIA since probably Friday (I didn't realise until Saturday afternoon). Though, I'm not sure it's back to 100% yet.
Since late yesterday evening, I've had a clear head with only the need for one dose of painkillers today. Ironically, I don't think it was a Covid-related headache.
I've managed to complete some life admin I'd hoped to do on Monday before being told by the GP to stop. I had a 1.5 hour Skype call with my Dad. I still rested when I needed to and resisted the urge to overdo things and anger the Covid gods again.
Barring any unforeseen relapse, I'll try to do more tomorrow, including starting to de-Covidify my bed and flat.
On the positive side: my week was also full of friends and family calling, messaging, commenting and cheering from the sidelines for me to get better, and I am so incredibly grateful for every single one of them.
Apart from Sunday evening, which I posted about here, I haven't had time to feel isolated or alone since, because of all of my lovely friends and family.
In the process, I learned that by catching Covid between doses of the vaccine, I may develop much greater immunity. And I've lost 3.1kg since 14 July.
Please note: I do not endorse this method of gaining hybrid immunity against Covid-19 or weight loss. I would rate the experience -5/10. Would not do again.
I'm hoping to be back to (near) daily posting again from now on.
I hope your week has been better than mine xx