[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 3 December 2025].
bianca frangipani
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 August 2025].
Early in the new year, I received a message in my Instagram DMs from a woman in Massachusetts, Monica, who had seen photographs I'd taken at Pinner New Cemetery. I posted several photos I took in December 2023 as part of my annual season's grievings series in the lead-up to Christmas.
Monica's aunt, Bianca, passed away tragically at the age of 31 in 1962 and is buried in Pinner New Cemetery.
Bianca and Monica's mother had kept in touch over the years, but family circumstances had kept them apart. With Bianca in London and Monica's mother in the US, she (and Monica) had never seen the memorial laid on Bianca's grave in the cemetery.
My friend and former flatmate, Floriana, was the reason I visited Pinner New Cemetery in December 2023, as she works in Edgware on Saturdays and was attending a work Christmas lunch at a restaurant in Pinner. Consequently, we'd organised to meet at The Queen's Head before her lunch.
Monica asked me if I would be willing and able to revisit the cemetery to take photographs of the grave for her.
Coincidentally, I already had plans to meet Floriana again the following weekend. We had planned for Floriana to revisit my neck of the woods (our shared flat was in Wood Green, and I live in the adjacent suburb of Hornsey) to meet.
However, I contacted Floriana and suggested we meet in Edgware or Pinner instead, as that would allow me to revisit the cemetery and be more convenient for her. (As it turned out, there weren't many options for pubs near her work, so she drove me home from the cemetery, and we went to my local instead, as we'd originally planned).
When I agreed to look for Bianca's grave, Monica sent me further information, including the plot number, maps of the cemetery and the location of the grave.
Exploring Pinner New Cemetery
Looking at the map Monica had sent me, I was almost 100% certain I hadn't ventured into the section where her aunt had been laid to rest, but I looked through my existing photographs first to confirm my memory.
When I visited Pinner New Cemetery for the first time, I almost immediately came across a section dedicated to infants and children, which was towards the front of the cemetery. The section was simultaneously beautiful and heartbreaking, and I walked the full length of it to a corner of the cemetery, taking photos as I went.
Among other things, the child and infant section offered plenty of opportunities to capture season's grievings images, as so many of the graves were decorated for past Christmases (it was slightly early for decorations for the current year).
I explored other areas of the cemetery during my approximately 45-minute visit. However, as the days were short at that time of year, I stopped taking photographs at about 15:30 and started heading home, having only covered about half of the cemetery.
It was my second cemetery visit of the day - I visited Paines Lane Cemetery around midday before meeting Floriana - and ultimately, I had an even longer journey home afterwards than I'd expected. I don't recall the exact journey time, but it was substantially more than the already long 1.5-hour Tube journey it should have been due to train issues.
Seeking others' ancestors
A woman from Ontario contacted me in June 2023 via a comment on my photo of a grave in Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries. She approached me about locating and photographing the graves of two of her ancestors.
Knowing how vast and overgrown those two cemeteries are, that there's no clear demarcation between them and how old the graves she sought were, I hadn't been too hopeful of finding them.
On that occasion, I spent about 45 minutes searching for the graves with no luck, and I couldn't find any groundskeeping staff on site to ask for assistance.
I contacted the Friends of the Cemetery shortly after my visit to see if someone could point me in the right direction. I was cat-sitting for a friend nearby so I could return more easily than usual. However, without a section letter, they couldn't assist. I passed the information on to the woman who had contacted me, but she chose not to pay for access to records that might have provided her with the complete plot number for me to follow up further.
Finding Bianca
I was far more confident that I could locate Bianca's grave with the map and plot location provided.
Monica had mentioned in her messages that she feared the grave would be overgrown. I hadn't expressed my concern that it may be worse than that.
When I visited both Paines Lane Cemetery and Pinner New Cemetery, I recall being shocked at how poorly maintained the graves seemed. Admittedly, I was visiting during the depths of winter, and it had been raining much of the time while I wandered through Paines Lane Cemetery. And while the weather had cleared somewhat before I reached Pinner New Cemetery, the paths were still far from dry. But the drainage in Pinner New Cemetery seemed insufficient, especially in the sections I spent most time in, which were at the bottom of a gentle slope.
I was nervous that I would visit Bianca's grave and find it waterlogged.
Thankfully, on the day I visited, it was a brisk three degrees, and the grass and flowers still held a light frost in the early afternoon, but there were blue skies and no rain to worry about. Bianca's plot is also at one of the higher points of the cemetery, so it's less affected by poor drainage.
The map Monica sent me proved very helpful in locating Bianca's grave, although I initially overshot into the furthest section of the cemetery.
Once I rechecked my location, I questioned what the map was showing me. Beyond the first row or two of graves near the path, a large part of the section seemed to be only lawn at first glance.
But then I realised there were flat headstones inlaid into the lawn that had become partially sunken. That made it hard to be 100% sure which plot was which, and I initially lifted away fallen leaves from a gravestone about two plots over from Bianca's.
I should have photographed each gravestone before I pulled away the leaves, in case I had found the correct grave. But I didn't think of that as I was more intent on discovering Bianca's final resting place than making aesthetic choices and capturing photographic 'reveals'.
When I found the right plot, I was pleased but simultaneously disappointed for Monica and her mother that the grass and soil had encroached so far across the inscription.
After removing all the leaves, I found that, short of asking a groundskeeper (none were in sight) or gently taking a trowel (that I didn't have) to the surrounding lawn, I would only be able to photograph about half to two-thirds of the gravestone for them.
But at least I could see enough of Bianca's name, month of death and age at passing that I could be sure I had found her.
I took photos of the gravestone and of it in the context of the surrounding graves to share with Monica. I placed some of the leaves I had removed from the marker back onto the grass by the grave.
Although I'm not particularly spiritual, I talked to Bianca while photographing her gravestone. Letting her know her niece had sent me to find her and that her family was thinking of her.
I took most of the photos of the grave with my D700, but I captured a couple with my iPhone and sent one to Monica before I left the cemetery to let her know I had found Bianca.
Monica hadn't told her mother about my mission until she sent her the photograph I had sent. It was lovely to hear about her emotional response to the photo.
It gave me a warm glow to have been able to go just a little out of my way to capture something so important to others, to be their eyes across the pond.
sheltering santa
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 December 2024].
the reindeer section
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 December 2024].
My life is currently so chaotic, messy and stressful that I almost forgot it's time for season's grievings.
My current mood is something akin to this reindeer Christmas decoration on a child's grave in Pinner New Cemetery that I photographed just under a year ago.
I'm sharing this for patrons only a few hours instead of two days early to allow me to catch up.
I'll post the second image for this year later today, which will be closer to a day early.
The third will be posted tomorrow, two days early, and then I'll be back on schedule.
While I'm here and referencing the Scottish supergroup with my title for today's instalment, I highly recommend giving them a listen (if you haven't previously), specifically their second album, Son of Evil Reindeer.
loss, family, friends, photo walks, cats and dogs
It seems odd to say 2023 was one of the better years for me recently, despite Mum passing on 1 March.
Realistically, I’d probably started mourning her loss in March 2018, when I believed that would be the last time I’d see her in person. It was a mixed blessing to have one more opportunity in October 2019. But I knew when I left Tasmania at the end of that visit that would be the last time.
By the time she passed, we hadn’t even been able to have Skype calls for about a year and a half. And our calls hadn’t involved actual conversation for a long time before that.
So, her passing was more of a continuation and perhaps the closing chapter of my mourning.
Don’t get me wrong: I still semi-regularly well up and have a good cry while thinking about her. But it’s not been as intense as it would have been without her prolonged descent into dementia and multiple false alarms to prepare me for the final eventuality.
We said our farewells, and Mum set off on her final journey on 18 June 2023, when Dad, Robert, Peter and I could finally be in one place.
An old friend, Dee, messaged me soon after to tell me the ocean currents may have taken her to New Zealand.
It was the first chance we had to be in one place as a family to say goodbye to Mum, but it was probably also the first time the four of us had been together since early 2007.
With family, loss and the passing of time on my mind, I predominantly spent my month in Australia catching up with family, especially those I hadn’t seen in far too long.
My uncle, John, is one member of my extended family I’ve managed to see on all of my visits since leaving Australia in January 2011. But I enjoyed spending another few days of quality time with him, talking about family and family history, debating politics and catching up with his partner, Verna. And I managed to set him up on WhatsApp so I can call him regularly at no cost.
My Mum’s side of the family has been harder to catch up with over the years, mainly due to geography. For most of my childhood and teens, they lived in Calgary. And when they returned to Australia, they settled in Perth.
I met Rhys (pictured at left, taking the group selfie) when I was about 11, but I didn’t meet my other cousin, his twin, David (centre back), until Rhys’ wedding about ten years later, in 1998.
I’m ashamed to say that was the last time I’d seen Rhys and my uncle, Graham, until this year. Although, I stayed with my aunt, Patricia, in 2002, when I returned to Australia after my first stint of living in the UK and caught up with David then. Christopher (back right) wasn’t yet born.
So, it was lovely to spend a couple of days getting to know Rhys better while he played tour guide, to spend a few days with his family, and to spend an evening with Mum’s family.
I would have liked to have spent more time with them, but I had so much to cram into just a month. Hopefully, I’ll be able to spend more time next time.
And I caught up with Rhys, his wife, Jenny, and their daughter, Georgia, for an evening when they were in London a few months later.
In addition to spending time with family, I was pleased to catch up with my first-ever best friend, Narelle, for the first time in around 39 years. And to spend time with Lisa and Sarah.
It was a pleasure, as always, to spend time talking and dining with Victoria while I was in Tasmania, including a rain-sodden wander on West Ulverstone Beach.
We wandered around the Tasmanian Arboretum with Cheryl after scattering Mum’s ashes; just what I needed.
I did spy a platypus and took some photos, but they may need quite a lot of enlargement to confirm that!
I took many photos of Perth in the glorious weather as Rhys played tour guide.
Here’s one of a frilled neck lizard sculpture in the Mindeerup section of south Perth, part of Karl Kep Ngoornd-iny (Fire and Water Dreaming) by Yondee Shane Hansen.
In addition to my family, who offered up beds and couches to me during my stay, I want to thank everyone who could make the time to catch up during my (relatively) short time in Melbourne.
It was lovely to catch up with Jess, Preethi and Feih for drinks one night. Ian, David, Pete and Corey the next night. Brunch with Richard and his daughter, Sienna, dinners with David and Anthony, and a pint and chips with Jason.
(I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone!)
Special thanks to Amy and Chris for shuttling me and Richard to Springvale Botanical Cemetery to visit Anthony Horan’s grave and to Richard for the engaging natter on the train (and apologies for getting us on the wrong train!)
Usually, my visits to cemeteries are for purely photographic purposes. But this year, I found myself in cemeteries to visit friends.
That’s how I came to be in Brookwood Cemetery, the largest cemetery in the UK. It used to have its own dedicated railway, including first-class carriages for the dead, running direct from the London Necropolis Railway Station in Waterloo.
The same station still serves it. But now it’s just the living commuting by train from the main Waterloo Station.
(I knew about the cemetery and the railway well before my visit because of Catharine Arnold’s book, Necropolis: London and its Dead, which I read many years ago. I’ll return for a more leisurely photo walk in future).
I did, of course, also visit cemeteries for purely photographic purposes.
In chronological order, I wandered the following cemeteries:
Plaistow Cemetery in Bromley (on my birthday)
Brockley Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
Ladywell Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
London Road Cemetery in Bromley
Paines Lane Cemetery in Pinner
Pinner New Cemetery (probably the worst maintained cemetery I’ve come across, and I include those maintained within the concept of ‘managed neglect’ in that comparison)
And Hither Green Cemetery, which I’ll have to revisit in 2024, as I arrived about 15 minutes before they closed for the day.
All this talk of death and loss may have you concerned. Never fear: there’s life in the old girl yet.
I didn’t travel as far afield as I’d hoped this year, but I did spend a day wandering Birmingham, its canals, and marvelling at the city’s Spaghetti Junction with fellow photographer Phil Ivens one Sunday.
I spent a lovely weekend with my distant cousins in Uxbridge, including a day in Henley-on-Thames.
And Hambleden.
Once again, it was lovely to spend time with family members I don’t see often enough (though there’s less excuse with these guys as, apart from Malcolm, we live in the same city, albeit on almost opposite sides!)
And in November, Scott joined me for the next stretch from Palmers Green to Enfield.
And, on Boxing Day, I took what I thought was a scenic shortcut through Grove Park Nature Reserve, aiming for Hither Green Cemetery, only to find the footbridge as part of the Railway Children Walk was closed for maintenance.
And now, the part of my annual wrap-up you’ve all been waiting for (drum roll).
Here’s the roll call of the new kittehs (and doggos!) I sat this year.
I sat 17 cats, 11 of which were new clients (though two were new kittehs for existing human clients).
I sat three doggos, all new clients and all lovely beasties. Unfortunately, Dougal (pictured above) has now crossed the Rainbow Bridge, passing around the day I left for Australia.
I sat ten fish, four of which were new clients. Six have now gone to fish heaven (only one on my watch, purloined from its pond by a cat or a fox).
Jilly arrived in Bounds Green as Lottie’s successor.
Oscar joined my three regulars in Bromley.
Frank, who loves to cuddle (which is a good thing, as he’s so smooshable!)
Pebbles, an old soul.
Treacle, who is as sweet as…
Milo loves a good game of tug-o-war.
Mango can be entertained on a shoestring (literally) and loves a lap.
I visited her four times over three days in the summer. She knew exactly when I was about to leave and when to curl up cutely on my lap.
Bobby with his “come hither and rub my belly” gaze.
Cino, Bobby’s less aloof brother.
These two were hilarious to listen to when they chatted while they played with their toys.
Bobby and Cino had some fishy friends (two of the three pictured).
George, a cheeky tabby who lives next door to my regulars.
And Lottie, George’s housemate.
I visited these two thrice daily one weekend while sitting my regulars.
And my newest and youngest clients, at 14 weeks, David.
And Stevie.
I slept in someone else’s bed for 160 nights this year (no, not like that).
Between pet-sitting, a weekend visit with my cousins, and my visit to Australia, I was away from home almost 44% of this year!
I loved it, but I will admit I missed my bed, iMac and my own room (though not the scaffolding surrounding our flat for about six months).
The coming year looks quite busy already, but it will be interesting to see whether it will be more or less busy than this year. I already have four new doggo and two new kitteh clients scheduled over the summer.
Before I wish you all a happy new year and the best of everything for 2024, I want to thank all my friends and family who have been there for me during 2023 when I really needed it (and, in many cases, every year before that).
I hope I have been and/or will be there for you when you need it.
Love to you all for 2024 xx
5 weeks
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 28 December 2023].
a single perfect snowflake
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 December 2023].